The Crossroads of the Aether
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, I hereby formally invite you to attend The Accepted Cog Saloon.
For all those worried about the time of day, do not fret. I have oft heard the saying "it is 5'oclock on Friday somewhere." Well I fed this data into my analytical engine, then plugged it into one of Mr. Steampunker's temporal iris machines. Once the crank on the tabulator was turned, Eureka, a temporal time shift bubble encased the saloon. Once you enter the doors of this place, it is 5 of the clock on a Friday afternoon, and you can pack up your worries and enjoy it like it is the weekend tomorrow.
What happens after you leave the temporal bubble is your problem, sorry.
Want a beverage or foodstuff that does not exist in England in the Year 18..? Do not fret. A well respected author I refer to a lot discovered L-space, that dimension created by the accumulation of knowledge into which all libraries in time and space are linked.
I reasoned that since once alcohol is consumed people seem to know everything, the same principles could be applied here, thus:
Alcohol=knowledge, knowledge=power, power = energy, energy=matter, and matter=mass.
Since mass has the ability to warp space, this formulae allowed me to punch through the barrier of space and time and link all places where alcohol is served via B-space, wherever and whenever they may be. So, request a food or drink, and I shall navigate the labyrinth of B-space to find you your desire (by removing it from another’s establishment) and return to you in mere moments. There is a karma in it all, as I have allowed other barkeeps entrance to the system, so we all borrow from each other.
So, come one, come all, park your air ships on the roof, shrug off your jetpacks and coats, wipe the coal dust from your cheeks, and come in for an evening of entertainment and lively discussion.
Excuse me Ladies and Gentlemen.
The Ms Pantea has allowed me the use of 4 girls, Dina, Gulaz, Lana, and Zaleena, for the purpose of waitressing and not, i must add, your entertainment. They shall be attending your tables, although i am enjoying attending to drink requests.
If any man, woman or other here so much as touches them inappropriately, they shall either answer to Mr Blackthorn Staff **holding up a lump of wood the size of a small sapling** or Bantho **indicating the shadows where can be seen a hulking shape and two glowing red eyes**
Please resume your conversations.
I do not wish to seem forward, but I find myself mesmerized by Bantho's flickering eyes. There's something so delicious about a smoldering hulk in the shadows.
Is he, as we say, off-limits as well? Not that I ... well, I... just asking you know. Should others be interested ... certainly not ... for myself ...
... If any man, woman or other here so much as touches them inappropriately, they shall either answer to Mr Blackthorn Staff **holding up a lump of wood the size of a small sapling** or Bantho **indicating the shadows where can be seen a hulking shape and two glowing red eyes** ...
Another *HIC* round here good sir. With this temporal time bubble it's ALWAYS and ONLY five o'clock on Friday. I would have sworn otherwise, I've been here for two days.
Nothing gives this grizzled bartender more pleasure than discussing temporal physics with drunks his patrons. Yes time does pass in the saloon, although it may seem you only visit briefly. once you leave it will be close to the time you entered, which i feel is handy when you tell the wife that you are going for a stroll and end up on a 2 day binge. Take one of these pills created by my Bulgarian chemist friends before you depart, the active ingredient eats alcohol and renders one sober once more, with only a few minor side effects. These are the reason i can enjoy the taste of alcohol with my friends, but still maintain my gentlemanly air.
Back to the physics, it is a conundrum that it is 5 of the clock when you enter, and you may be here for hours, but when someone new enters it is also 5 of the clock on friday. Your *HIC* was more relevant than you realised, as it is nothing more than what i have branded Temporal Hiccups. Have another drink, it will stop bothering you soon.
Make it a *hic* double then my good man...we must *URP* not allow time, temporal or otherwise, to interfere with the party, would you not agree? I DID say double, correct?
oops, swear somone jogged my arm just then, seems like a triple it is then sir. One for me too? Don't mind if i do. Damn, thats is fine.
*** bats eyes at Bantho, and swoons ***
Perfect, you have captured the likeness implicitly.
Lady Camryn, Bantho is his own, um..... man. He can come and go as he pleases, and he is currently pleased to look over our establishment in return for food and board and the occasional release to pursure his, well i guess you would call them hobbies. However, if your... friend wants to get to know him he may oblige. Now Zaleena has proven herself handy with the deadly use of Mr. Blackthorn Staff, I am happy to leave the wellbeing of the patrons in her hands. Bring him back in one piece please.
Phew- what a ridiculous day- If that bottle of Four Roses is still hanging around in this dimension, I could use a double!! And perhaps a small plate of barbeque peanuts if it's not too much trouble?
of course my dear, exactly you left it. And your nuts.
lay your load on me, bartenders are extremely gifted listeners. What is the trouble?
People making ridiculous demands without first providing me with any pertinent information about how I can actually help them. Topped off with vehicle troubles makes it the kind of day I'm glad is over.